26 Wildly Out-Of-Touch Posts From Parenting Facebook Groups

26 Wildly Out-Of-Touch Posts From Parenting Facebook Groups

If you’ve ever been a member of a parenting Facebook group, you probably know how absolutely batshit some of the posts can be.

Which is why when humorist and parent-about-Twitter Lucy Huber recently asked her followers to share a Facebook parent group post that they think about daily, Twitter delivered.

What question from your parent FB group do you think about daily? Mine is someone complaining they couldn’t find a housekeeper who would agree to polish their silver.

Twitter: @clhubes

Starting with the parents with startlingly unrealistic expectations for their children:

@clhubes recently saw a post where a mom wanted 4 yo to get up quicker on their own each morning, get showered alone, eat faster and gather their things to be totally ready to go and get out the door. dare to dream, my friend

Twitter: @iusedtobepoor

@clhubes Mine was a parent looking for a futon or Montessori-style cot for their baby, because “OBVIOUSLY I’m not going to put him in a cage [crib] like an animal.” Total crickets in response.

Twitter: @HoccaMcFendel

@clhubes My favorite was a mom who suggested that her 6 month old could count to twenty in English and Spanish and another mom asked if that 6mo baby could tutor her own 6mo baby. I laugh about it bimonthly.

Twitter: @_ktellen

Then there are the out-of-touch parents in search of their very own underpaid Mary Poppins:

@clhubes everytime someone is looking for a sitter or nanny and because they want to pay $15/hr they always say “perfect for a highschooler! Hours are from 7:30am-noon” or whatever and I’m always like so…a high schooler who doesn’t go to school?

Twitter: @busybabetay

These parents would be better off calling a doctor:

@clhubes Not a question but someone in my moms group said we know sugar causes brain inflammation then compared giving sugar to your kids to not buckling their seat belt.

Twitter: @amarchy

There’s no shortage of posts complaining about a spouse:

@clhubes For me it’s always the ones who list 50,000 ways their husband is awful and then find a way to blame themselves and ask why they’re like this. 😭 Every time. It’s not you, honey! It’s him!!! 😭

Twitter: @ThePracticalEsc

@clhubes On April fools moms were posting their man’s numbers telling the other moms to text them as a prank.. a few months later one posted that another mom took it too far and was now having an affair with her husband LMAO

Twitter: @rainyygrrrrl

@clhubes A mom venting that her 2.5yo wouldn’t fall asleep bc her husband got him wound up before bed by playing while they were all watching The Invisible Man. You know, the scary, violent, man in a camera suit flick that’s totally 2.5yo appropriate. But it was dad’s fault for playing 🙃

Twitter: @AlwaysLayne

Some parents seem to be in the wrong group altogether:

@clhubes The moms who post pics of their living rooms/kitchens/playrooms/etc to request design advice; similar to the moms who ask for recommendations on a pool installer.

Twitter: @klchecks

The woman who lost her 10-carat diamond solitaire ring in Southlake Town Square and was hoping someone would let her know if they see it on the ground. https://t.co/gQxF2x66Ch

Twitter: @J_Dot_J

Good luck with that.

The occasional vacation-related post stands out:

@clhubes One of my favorite genres that I haven’t seen mentioned in replies yet is for activity recommendations in vacation cities with super young kids who can’t actually do anything and don’t care

Twitter: @StaggAndrea

@clhubes We had a rule about not repeating questions, but every other day, someone flying to Hawaii or Europe wanting to know how to entertain a baby on a plane. Grats, you’re going on a fabulous vacay…here’s a link to one of the dozens who came up with a thin excuse to brag before you.

Twitter: @alywelch

And a few posts are just plain funny:

@clhubes mine is the post where someone asked, in all seriousness, “what kind of knife do you use to cut your children’s sandwiches for school?” i replied with machete because that is the only correct answer 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Twitter: @sshermanstokes

But at least the fun doesn’t have to end when a kid turns 18 — there’s a whole world of university parent groups to look forward to!

@chewnibblenosh @clhubes Just saw one yesterday where the mom was tracking her 19 y/o son on life 360 and wanted to know how could she REALLY know if he was going to class? She was contemplating doing a surprise “gotcha” by showing up on campus unannounced?!

Twitter: @CalliopeJane13

If you’re worried about showing up in a thread like Lucy’s, just treat people with respect and take a deep breath before posting.

Now go follow everyone from this list on Twitter, or I’m taking away your screentime privileges!

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