“The world’s most exclusive member’s only club.” “Admittance by application only.” “Unparalleled luxury for the select.” These are the phrases you’ll find on the website for SNCTM, the erotic arts club known for its legendary celebrity sex parties.
With hot vaxx summer in full swing, SNCTM recently welcome guests back with a “masquerade” in New York City. If you’re wondering if the $10,000-per-year membership fee could possibly be worth it, keep reading to find out what an evening of sexy exploration at SNCTM is actually like—then decide for yourself.
For our latest installment of 20 Questions, Men’s Health talked to a first-time SNCTM guest, who asked to remain anonymous to protect the privacy of the people involved, about threesomes, orgies, and everything else that went down at one of the world’s most exclusive sex parties.
1) Why did you decide it was finally time to try a sex party?
My husband and I had fantasized about the idea for years, but we figured it was just that—a fantasy. I think we were scared to potentially jeopardize our rock-solid relationship by having actual sex with other people, even though the concept turned us both on. But going through the pandemic, we realized a) we can do anything as a team, and b) it would be really fun to have a “hot vax summer.”
2) What did you imagine SNCTM would be like before you attended? How did you picture it in your head?
I’d heard so many stories that I didn’t know what to picture. Would it be like Eyes Wide Shut? Would there be celebrities I recognized? Would we be subsumed into an orgy the second we walked through the door, or would it turn out to be one of those awkward sex parties you hear about, where no one actually has sex? I had no idea. Not knowing what it would be like—combined with my lingering fears about what would happen to our relationship—made me pretty anxious in the lead-up to the big event. My husband kept assuring me that we’d do everything as a unit, and that we’d probably just be spectators, anyway.
He ended up being right…and also wrong.
3) What were you most excited about going into the experience?
I’ve always been attracted to people of all genders, and craved all kinds of sex. My monogamous hetero marriage was great (I promise I don’t mean that sarcastically!), but I felt like I couldn’t explore those other things my soul was curious about—that I avoided, because it wouldn’t be “right.” SNCTM was a chance to finally feed my soul without feeling shame.
4) What were you most worried about going into the experience?
There’s this part in the book Three Women where one of said women watches her husband have sex with another woman for the first time—something they both thought they wanted—and she suddenly feels like a part of her has died. That terrified me. My husband and I have an amazing marriage. What if we accidentally wrecked it in a ‘curiosity killed the cat’ situation?
But a few days before SNCTM, I had this epiphany. I realized: I am so excited about everything this party offers; the only thing I’m scared of is my own anxiety. From then on, I was more or less pumped about it.
SNCTM
5) What went through your mind when you arrived?
My very first thought was: This is the exact thing that would happen in a movie about newbies at a sex party.
After giving our names to a security guard, we rode the elevator up to the party with another couple: a man in a suit and a woman who appeared to be wearing lingerie under her jacket. The man surveyed us and asked, “First time?” I wasn’t sure if he could tell that we were new to all of this—SNCTM, sex parties—or if he was just making small-talk.
When the elevator doors opened, our first thought was: This still seems like a movie. We stepped out into a three-story Manhattan loft that was bathed in reddish light and filled with sexy people in a mix of evening wear and lingerie. We joked that we probably looked like nerdy wedding guests at a country club.
6) Why? What did you wear?
I wore a black bra and thong under a fitted velvet cocktail dress. The dress was nice, but I felt too covered, and it was hot, like, temperature-wise. I immediately regretted not wearing fancier lingerie that I could prance around in—I don’t know, I thought it would be presumptuous or something. My husband wore a suit and tie. He looked hot. Both aesthetically and temperature-wise.
7) Can you give a quick summary of how the night was structured?
The first couple of hours were for mingling and meeting people. Then there was a live sex show featuring SNCTM performers, and after that, it was “play” time.
8) Were you worried about privacy in any way?
No, you have to hand over your phone at the door. But also, there seemed to be a shared mentality that anything that happened there, stayed there.
SNCTM
9) Going into it, what did you and your partner agree upon re: interacting with other people?
We went in without any expectations or goals about interacting with other people (although deep down, I think I would have been disappointed if we didn’t). We agreed that we’d check in with each other regularly throughout the evening to make sure we were always on the same page.
10) When did you realize you were going to do something with another person, and how did you negotiate that in the moment?
During “mingling” time, we wandered up to the roof deck, where we struck up conversation with two women who’d come together. The four of us immediately connected, with a lot of laughs, over being new to SNCTM. We ordered champagne from a friendly naked server and toasted to…I don’t know what. The beginning of something. For me, the celebration was: Fuck yes. I want to hook up with these people.
When we headed downstairs as a group to watch the live sex show, my husband went for drinks and ended up getting separated from us, so it was just me and our beautiful new friends watching the performance. We sat close, touching. One of them kissed my cheek, near my lips. When my husband and I reunited after the show, I said, “She just kissed me on the cheek. Is it cool if I kiss her?” He said yes.
Soon after, the three of us found ourselves in a luxurious en-suite bathroom together. I did the thing I’d been wanting to do all night: I kissed her. Things progressed from there; clothes came off; my husband joined in. He and I kept on checking in with each other. Our friend was leaning against the vanity and my husband and I were on our knees, ready to take turns going down on her. He looked at me and whispered, “Is this still okay?” I nodded. It wasn’t just okay. It was amazing.
11) What happened during the live sex show, BTW?
It was basically porn to get everyone turned on and ready for play time. It was an Occult-themed group sex scene with men wearing horns and women wearing mirrors over their faces. The women went down on the men; the men penetrated the women. Honestly, I probably missed some details because I was thinking about my new friends sitting next to me.
12) What was the highlight of the whole SNCTM experience?
The threesome in the bathroom. I finally did things I’d dreamed of doing for years, but never had the chance. It was simultaneously so validating with regard to my own sexual identity, but also the strength of my relationship with my husband.
13) What most surprised you about the experience?
How easy it was. Because of my anxiety history, I thought I’d have an existential crisis before we hooked up with anyone. Instead, I realized we loved and trusted each other so much that when it finally happened—”it” being sex with other people—we were nothing but excited for each other.
14) What was the most awkward part of the experience?
After the threesome, I was ready to explore even more fantasies I’d always had, including having sex in a room full of people. We went downstairs to the living room, where my husband started going down on me on the couch, but looking around, I realized the room was almost empty! Everyone had gone off to the bedrooms. I stopped him in the act so we could relocate.
We rectified the situation when we wandered into a bedroom where maybe two-dozen people were getting it on: on the bed; on chairs; against the walls. This was the voyeuristic experience I’d had in mind. My husband grabbed a condom (easier for clean-up!) and we had sex against a windowsill.
15) How would you describe the other people in attendance?
Everyone was incredibly hot. To me, “hotness” is less about conventional attractiveness and more about how comfortable someone is in their sexuality. People were so friendly and outgoing, too. I guess that makes sense, if you’re going to an orgy with strangers.
16) Was there anything you would have changed about the experience?
If I’d known how much time I was going to spend walking around the loft in my underwear, I would have worn sexier lingerie. Also, I hadn’t been sure if people brought sex toys to SNCTM, so I decided to leave my collection at home; looking back, it would have been fun to have a vibrator with me, like some of the other people did.
“If it’s something you’ve always dreamed of doing, don’t let anxiety be the thing that stops you.”
17) Was there anything you observed that you’d want to try next time?
I saw some people using a spreader bar. I’m into bondage, so I’d be down to try that.
18) What advice do you have for other couples who haven’t been to a sex party, but are curious about trying it?
If it’s something you’ve always dreamed of doing, don’t let anxiety be the thing that stops you. And of course, enthusiastic consent is so important—both in terms of hooking up with other people, and checking in with each other to make sure you’re both feeling comfy the whole time.
19) How did you feel on the way home, once you were mentally and physically removed from the party?
Elated. Like we’d just woken up from the best dream. We were already talking about doing it again!
20) What are you now looking forward to at the next sex party you attend?
I’m excited about continuing to get in touch with my bisexuality. I asked my husband what he’s most looking forward to, and his answer was a little less deep: “Seeing hot people.” I think we compliment each other perfectly.
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